hm, this might be interesting to some. haven’t tested it, as i don’t use windows anymore.. but for people that fear new things, this could make trying out (or getting used to, before switching) linux/ubuntu a bit less scary…
— how to be a linux user
I’m sure all of this is already in y’all’s blood. But you know, I figured I should write it down for all the noobs out there. They need to learn how to behave properly as a luser.
- If something doesn’t work for you, tell yourself that you don’t really need it anyways.
- Convert at least five others to user your distribution of choice. Even against their will. Do whatever it takes. Lie about how it makes such a great OS. Tell them the people at the NYSE use it. Tell them it gets less viruses. Tell them it runs on their toaster, so it’s awesome. If they resist, here’s some things you can do:
- Do NOT research Microsoft security technologies. Instead, just point solely to Windows 95 and UAC as examples of poor security on Windows
- Tell them that they can install thousands, no millions, of apps with a single command.
- Tell them that they’ll have choice. Do not tell them that they’ll have to make tons of choices which they know nothing about.
- If they are non-programmers, tell them that it’s a fantastic opportunity to get into programming and spend hours and hours to make their system work.
- Question their manhood or womanhood.
- Accuse them of spreading FUD.
- If they’re Mac users, accuse them of blatant homosexuality. Then tell them that they’re spending way too much money. Show them your wobbly windows.
- If they point out that they won’t be able to do something that they could before, tell them that they didn’t really need to do that anyways.
- A year later, convert them to your new distribution of choice.
- When you have a configuration problem, do one or more of:
- File a bug, without doing any research on the problem.
- If you’re really in the mood, find a totally unrelated bug, and post a comment along the lines of, “Hey, I think this might be related …”
- If you’re actually partially smart and have found the appropriate bug report, post a comment saying ‘Me too!’, even though there are already 300 of the same. It really helps developers when their bug report pages are really long. You see, they judge the importance of a bug by how short their scrollbar grabby-thing gets.
- Post to Ubuntutips. Be sure to sound really spoiled.
- Tell yourself that you don’t need that feature. Tell yourself that if you wait patiently you’ll have it in 2 years, maybe.
- Write something along the lines of “I totally need this feature XXX to work. Someone help me” to every mailing list you can find that ends with -devel.
- When others have problems, do one or more of:
- Tell them that it works for you, and give no further information. New users must learn on their own. Remember this. It’s for their own good.
- If you’re a little more motivated, tell them that it works for you, and then tell them about your hardware that is totally different from theirs.
- Never reveal that you actually have no idea what you’re talking about. Suggest random solutions like patching their kernel.
- If they’re trying to watch some video or listen to some music in a non-free format, drop some knowledge on them about how they’re poisoning society. Trust me, everyone really cares. They’re just too stupid to know to care.
- If all else fails, yes, you can tell them that they don’t really need that feature. By wanting it, they’re just prolonging their addiction to useful software.
- Most importantly, write blogs, comment on blogs, post on forums , anything, to tell people that your Linux desktop does everything you need, but make sure you know absolutely nothing about the proprietary software workflows that exist on other platforms. It’s really important that you have a “clean room” opinion, unaffected by the imperfections of the real world.
seems like we’re entering into the software ‘sector’. need to get some final approval, and polish a few things, and it’ll be all yours… and opensource of course
in the meanwhile, some clues and a screenshot
what can i do with linux, that i can’t do with windows or mac? well, i can:
- Upgrade to the newest version legally and without paying money
- Have the latest version of the operating system run faster than the previous version on the same hardware
- Easily install and run different graphical interfaces if I don’t like the default setup
- Install twenty programs with one command
- Have the system automatically update all my installed programs for me.
- Install the same copy of my OS (Ubuntu) on multiple computers without worrying about license restrictions or activation keys
- Give away copies of the operating system and other programs that run on it without breaking any laws, governmental or ethical or moral, because it was all intended to be used this way
- Have full control over my computer hardware and know that there are no secret back doors in my software, put there by malicious software companies or governments
- Run without using a virus scanner, adware/spyware protection, and not reboot my computer for months, even when I do keep up with all of the latest security updates
- Run my computer without needing to defragment my hard drive, ever
- Try out software, decide I don’t like it, uninstall it, and know that it didn’t leave little bits of stuff in a registry that can build up and slow down my machine
- Make a major mistake that requires a complete reinstallation and be able to do it in less than an hour, because I put all of my data on a separate partition from the operating system and program files
- Boot into a desktop with flash and effects as cool as Windows Vista on a three year old computer…in less than 40 seconds, including the time it takes me to type my username and password to login
- Customize anything I want, legally, including my favorite programs. I can even track down the software developers to ask them questions, contribute ideas, and get involved in the actual design/software writing process if I want to
- Have 4+ word processor windows open working on papers, listen to music, play with flashy desktop effects, have contact with a largely happy community and have firefox, instant messaging, and email clients all open at the same time, without ever having had to beg someone for a code to make my os work, and without the system running so slow it is useless
- Use the command “dpkg –get-selections > pkg.list” to make a full, detailed list of all software I have installed, backup my /etc and /home directories on a separate partition, and you are able to recover your system any time, easily
- Run multiple desktops simultaneously, or even allow multiple users to log in and use the computer simultaneously
- Resize a hard disk partition without having to delete it and without losing the data on it
- Use the same hardware for more than 5 years before it really needs to be replaced… I have some hardware that is nearly 10 years old, running Linux, and still useful
- Browse the web while the OS is being installed!
- Use almost any hardware and have a driver for it included with the operating system…eliminating the need to scour the internet to find the hardware manufacturer’s website to locate one
- Get the source code for almost anything, including the OS kernel and most of my applications
copy/paste from here
hah! probably quite obviously – i am on a never-ending linux-evangelization-quest, and was really satisfied to see a comment like this on the ardour forum, in a thread about a potential windows version (ardour is mac & linux):
windows users ARE THE LEAST DESIREABLE user group out there to pursue. this isn’t a slam against them at all, it is just a reality that they are taught that being cheap (i.e. not willing to pay for the true worth of something, just look at the warez scene, i know whole businesses running on warez – though not for much longer) is actually a good thing, and when they do pay a few nickles for something they expect that they don’t haveto learn anything to use it properly. oh and if you dare tell them that they are ’undertrained compared to other user groups such as mac users or linux users, you won’t believe how offended they get – afterall they know how to use a mouse and google therefore they are totally computer saavy.
and a screenshot